heleanor | 【ＲＰ】ＯｐｅｎＰｏｓｔ

[...makes him second-guess, if Tsukishima really is the only guy Yamaguchi isn't sure anymore how he feels about.

which

damn it

...means he's going to be hunched over, and burying his face in his hands for the foreseeable future, while sunk down as low as humanly possible in his café chair. Sorry, Oikawa; you kind of broke him]

[He expected something like this, so Yamaguchi attempting a disappearing act in his chair doesn't worry him that much.

He watches him for a moment. Kind of wants to reach across the table to touch him but that would be overstepping far more than anything he's said has. And he's more comfortable using words than anything else.]

It's okay if you don't like me, Yama-chan. But I do want you to like yourself.

[He shouldn't say that, really. He can't control people liking themselves. But he does honestly like Yamaguchi. He likes him far, far more than he thought he would. And he's starting to feel like he should back away because of that.]

I have plenty more to say, if you want to hear it?

[He does, but he also doesn't want Yamaguchi to literally die. As it is he can still see him breathing so the odds are good his heart hasn't exploded or anything like that.]

... ...

[Yamaguchi has to take a deep, shuddering breath, rubbing his palms over his eyelids and blinking back something suspiciously close to tears before he can bring himself to lower his hands away. Even then, reestablishing eye contact is beyond him.]

...S-Sorry!! ...I'm...not sure what to say after that...Oikawa-san...

Thank you, I mean...you really didn't have to...c-call me all those great things...

[He still looks beyond flustered, but this time it's not unhappy. In fact, he might even be smiling just the slightest bit, though it's hard to tell with Yamaguchi looking in every direction but Oikawa's.]

[Oikawa makes himself press back against his chair and forces himself to be relaxed as he shrugs because he thinks (maybe) Yamaguchi's smiling again and his stomach calms down from twisting itself into a knot - he hadn't even realised it was until he noticed the difference.]

But I wanted to, Yama-chan. And that really is only the start of what I like about you.

[One thing that's nice about Yamaguchi avoiding looking at him is he can look at Yamaguchi as much as he likes. Which is a lot.]

[Yamaguchi can't even form words to respond to that. His head's reeling. Only the start? How could that possibly true? He's already listed out more good things to say about Yamaguchi than could possibly be true...

Yamaguchi's shoulders tremble a bit, from the effort of keeping himself contained, and he hasn't got the faintest clue why he's suddenly having to fight the urge to cry like a ten-year-old. And all over something as idiotic as a really cool person being...nice to him. Would Oikawa still say that stuff if he could see how much Yamaguchi's struggling internally to even respond to it?]

Y...You're really amazing...Oikawa-san...! [It's not exactly the word he's looking for, but Yamaguchi's sort of at a loss for how to actually describe what Oikawa's making him feel. Speaking has never been Yamaguchi's strong suit, unfortunately.]

[Oikawa smiles, almost sadly, without realising it. Because Yamaguchi's words make his heart skip a beat, except...]

Yama-chan. Don't go saying things that aren't true.

[He can't imagine that Yamaguchi isn't just trying to give him a compliment in return. That's one thing with doling out praises, he can keep his own thoughts straight by assuming that other people are being nice when they say something kind back. Because he's nothing like amazing. He's average at best and mean and irritating at worst. He's just lucky enough that some people stick around him even through that.]

Wha??

How come you think it's not, Oikawa-san!? [Still blushing, but now he looks upset and he's actually making eye contact. Because he isn't lying, and he doesn't understand why Oikawa of all people is either implying that Yamaguchi is, or worse, implying that Oikawa himself is anything less than amazing.

Yamaguchi may not like to admit it about a rival in volleyball, but Oikawa is unquestionably one of the coolest and most amazing people he's ever met. And that's only after having half a dessert with him. ~~Yamaguchi does not have discerning taste.~~]

I'm hardly amazing. [And he's feeling a little awkward pointing it out. It's obvious, and he would have thought Yamaguchi would have been able to see through his ridiculousness by now. He's not nice and he's not amazing either.

He dissects himself just as much as he does other people and as far as he's concerned he comes up lacking in every way. He works hard to change his flaws, but there are too may that he can't budge. Ironically, chronic self-depreciation is one of those and he can only mask it so much by pretending he's the best.

He probably shouldn't have said anything. If Yamaguchi's only still here because he's buying into Oikawa's act then he should have let him. Whether Yamaguchi likes Oikawa himself or not, Oikawa likes him and would miss him if he doesn't like Oikawa enough to stick around.]

...? That...doesn't make any sense, Oikawa-san! Of course you are!! [Oikawa's funny, charming, cool, smart...not to mention incredible at volleyball.

And he's. Maybe. Kind of...attractive? Ohhhh boy he may really be in over his head here, crap, crap crap crap.]

[Oikawa busies himself with what remains of his bread. He's almost uncomfortable enough to say to hell with it and start dipping it in his milkshake but not quite.]

Yama-chan, please don't. [He can't articulate exactly what he wants Yamaguchi to stop doing but he definitely wants him to stop with something.]

[Oikawa doesn't exactly say "Shut up," but Yamaguchi hears it anyway. He snaps his mouth shut immediately, with a churning shame settling in the pit of his stomach, and ducks his head to avoid looking at Oikawa again.]

S-Sorry. Sorry. [Yamaguchi doesn't know what he's apologizing for, really, but he senses he's done something to upset the setter and he doesn't want to press his luck.]

[Oikawa tries not to cringe.] You're doing fine, Yama-chan. [He's the asshole here.

He pushes his milkshake away, there's still a third or so left but the whole "sharing" idea hasn't exactly worked out.]

[Yamaguchi fidgets, letting the silence stew for an uncomfortable moment longer before he blurts out,]

Was it something I said?? [He doesn't understand why Oikawa would suddenly go cold over being praised, even with his personality taken into account. It wasn't like Yamaguchi was lying to him!]

Not at all! I like the things you say. [Well that sure sounds like a lie. And it's the tipping point for tearing off a piece of his bread and wiping it around the foam at the top edge of his milkshake. Figures one piece like that can't hurt.]

...?? But...you still seemed kinda... [Yamaguchi doesn't even notice the bread, he looks completely bewildered]

I like you and I like talking to you, isn't that enough?

[He should have brushed Yamaguchi calling him amazing off with acceptance that he doesn't actually feel. Except, he really doesn't want Yamaguchi telling him things that aren't true like that. It makes him feel like more of a fraud than usual. He wants Yamaguchi to like him not some amazing guy he thinks Oikawa is. Of course, that's impossible, but he can't be rational about everything and cute boys are a very standard thing to not be rational about.]

Huh? E—Enough for what...?

[Now he's definitely sure he made a misstep somewhere. Yamaguchi's face falls and he resists the urge to shrink down in his seat. He'd make a note of what it was he said to avoid in the future, but the problem is that Oikawa isn't being clear on exactly what's bothering him. Or...he is, and Yamaguchi's just too dense to work it out.

That's another worrying thought. What if it's something obvious, and he's nonetheless just not getting it?]

[For you to like him.]

Yamaguchi, please drop it. It really doesn't matter. Can't we just have a nice date?

[He knows he's to blame, of course he does, but he's never actually cared enough to try and get things back on track before so he doesn't know how.]

[Yamaguchi all but recoils from those words as though he'd been slapped instead, his tense posture loosening to a slump as he lets his hands fall in his lap with his eyes resting firmly on the plate in front of him. It won't be enough, to stop Oikawa from already seeing the momentary flash of hurt and bewilderment on Yamaguchi's face before he looked away.]

Yes! R-Right, sorry!

Sorry... [Maybe it'll be better if he just. Shuts up. If Yamaguchi stops talking then there won't be anything he says to upset Oikawa at all, right?]

[He can't even be pleased that Yamaguchi didn't deny this is a date when he's looking like that.

He likes Yamaguchi's chatter, it's funny and interesting and a lot like what Oikawa does to fill silences. And he doesn't like whatever the hell this is. But he can't think of what to say. He should have stuck to dating girls he doesn't like.

Oikawa gently pushes his milkshake across the halfway point of the table. ]

[Yamaguchi glances up, looking at the milkshake first in bemusement and then slowly over at Oikawa. He can't read the setter's expression at all, and now that he messed up once he's nervous to try. Is Oikawa asking him to drink that?]

...?

[They did say they would share. Oikawa's just entirely convinced Yamaguchi doesn't want to any more, so his milkshake will sit there, closer to Yamaguchi than Oikawa while Oikawa is entirely fascinated by his bread. Which is excellent and delicious and he likes a lot and is absolutely a better thing to be looking at than the cute boy sitting opposite him who is probably one step away from going home.]

[He's more than a little afraid to open his mouth at this point, but after a few more stubborn minutes of silence Yamaguchi feels he's going to burst if he doesn't ASK the question that's been burning on his mind.]

Is...that...for me?

[Things are going well! He hasn't opened his mouth to say something upsetting for a little while and his bread is almost entirely eate- he inhales a piece. Why does Yamaguchi have to catch him off guard by being blunt? A brief splutter to eject it from his lungs later, he manages an embarrassed smile.]

We did say we'd share, Yama-chan.

O-Oikawa-san!?

[Yamaguchi is horrified, nearly toppling his chair over in his haste to stand up so he can get to the other side of the table. He frantically tries to assess the setter's condition choking on his bread in an effort to help. Is Oikawa choking to death? Can he not breathe?? ...Okay, now he's breathing, but for how long!? Is he going to live...?]

Oikawa-san, do you need anything! Water...?!

[5/5] I AM SO SORRY

WHY WOULD YOU EVER BE SORRY

HE IS SO RIDICULOUS

it's adorable. some day soon oikawa's going to compliment him too hard and he'll have an aneurysm

yamaguchi should tell him to start carrying around a defibrillator

There's no way he would. Iwaizumi would have to follow them with it.

the cutest most awkward triple dates in the history of volleyball

iwaizumi laughs every time yamaguchi says something nice about oikawa, it's adorable

these two have compatible self-esteem issues haha sob

they do, poor darlings.

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kid read this, is upset and has told me to "fix this", debating on whether to listen to her.

;A; OH NO now i am filled with guilt

nooo, don't be. she makes me cry every time we exchange headcanons, this is good payback

how did this schmoopy date thread even reach these levels of sad I DON'T KNOW

I know! It's oikawa's fault. :)

coos at oikawa forever i can't be upset