heleanor | 【ＲＰ】ＯｐｅｎＰｏｓｔ

['Insecure' is probably an understatement. Yamaguchi gives Oikawa a confused look when he's finished speaking, clearly uncertain of how to make sense of that statement.]

Too nice? I don't get it. [Sure, he probably seems nice compared to Tsukishima, but honestly who isn't?]

[Why that makes Oikawa's stomach flip flop he doesn't know.]

Nice people get tired of me quickly. [Or they realise one day that the glimpses of a not very nice person they get from Oikawa occasionally are who Oikawa actually is.]

Wha–? Tired of you!?

[Yamaguchi looks incredulous, like he simply can't believe that for one second. Oikawa's a cool person with a with a lot of fans and accomplishments, why does he think people will get bored of him like it's no big deal?]

Yes. Tired of me. [He's snapping, just a tiny bit. He spends so much time pretending that he's perfect that repeating something like that isn't exactly pleasant.]

[Yamaguchi startles just a bit at being snapped at, but this time he doesn't seem upset so much at Oikawa's tone than the words themselves.]

That's...totally strange to me, Oikawa-san. [He can't imagine anyone simply tiring of a person like Oikawa.] I mean, you're really cool.

[Not as cool as Tsukishima, but still very, undeniably cool.]

But...if they do, they're probably not that nice to begin with.

[Not as cool as Tsukishima? He doesn't collect dinosaur toys, that's at least ten cool points over Tsukishima right there!!]

It's not something you should worry about, Yama-chan. You don't mind spending time with me now and I don't plan to waste the time I have. [It's going to take more than that to convince Oikawa that nice people don't get tired of him. And when Yamaguchi does, he just has to back away and it will be like it never happened.]

[TSUKKI IS THE ABSOLUTE COOLEST OKAY–]

Don't make it sound like I'm just gonna get bored and stop hanging out with you!!

[He'd sick Iwaizumi on him, but he'd probably agree on the basis that anyone is cooler than Oikawa.]

Oh, and why shouldn't I? [Because that's what happens. He has one friend, Yamaguchi. There's a reason for that.]

[Yamaguchi nearly looks like he's going to back down, let it drop, but then he steels himself instead.]

B-Because I wouldn't! That's all...

Yama-chan. You wouldn't even have talked to me if I didn't pressure you into it.

[Which he feels a little bad about. But only a little.]

That's only because...I thought...you were trying to mess with me.

[And because he tried to start off the conversation by casually propositioning him, which Yamaguchi isn't going to mention now because he's still not certain whether or not that was fully intended as a joke.]

But, it's a different situation now, though, Oikawa-san! ...Right?

[Oikawa avoids eye contact. He likes Yamaguchi, and it's not like he'll be happy when Yamaguchi realises he's not a good person but he's not going to pretend it won't happen. Because he's completely convinced that it will.]

And who's to say the situation won't change again?

I'm letting you have an out, Yama-chan. The least you can do is remember I gave it to you when you change your mind.

If that's...what you really want... [He seems disappointed at the thought Oikawa would think so mistrustfully of him, but Yamaguchi doesn't want to argue the point. He just wants to make his feelings known, and Oikawa can believe them or not.]

...I'm probably not gonna change my mind, though. [Like Oikawa, Yamaguchi hasn't got many friends. Karasuno and the team are slowly changing that, but when it comes down to it there's still a lot Yamaguchi's willing to put up with to keep the ones he has—even Tsukishima has only crossed that line once, to date.]

[He can accept "probably". At least it means he'll keep the idea in mind that there might be a time where getting the hell away from Oikawa could be his best move.

He sighs, relaxes back in his chair.]

How much of this conversation do you think our waitress has listened to?

[He hasn't seen her listening in, and it would be unprofessional for her to, but if he was in her shoes he'd have listened to everything she could have.]

Wh-What!?

[That makes Yamaguchi panic and jump back half a meter from the setter's chair—he's so used to being ignored by now, that he hadn't even considered the possibility that anyone else might be eavesdropping. He frantically glances around, searching the surrounding restaurant for judging eyes of any waitstaff, other patrons, or custodians that might be listening in. Yamaguchi's gotten better, a lot better, about ignoring the unkind opinions of others when they crop up. But the idea of being subjected to that in front of Oikawa of all people is mortifying.]

Was she really listening?? [noooo] Oikawa-san??!

I don't know. [He checks over Yamaguchi's shoulder, there really is no evidence of her eavesdropping at all.]

But if I saw two attractive guys out on a date I'd want to know what they were saying. [He is sometimes a nosy bastard, but does have past evidence of people listening in on his conversations with Iwaizumi, though that didn't have the "date" part.]

[Glancing over his own shoulder in the direction Oikawa's looking at, Yamaguchi heaves an obvious sigh of relief to see the waitress's attention occupied elsewhere. Still a bit on edge, he walks back over to his own side of the table to sit down.]

Oh...I thought... [she must've been gossiping, or laughing, or something else awful directed toward them if Oikawa had noticed to point it out.]

[Oikawa frowns, he's used to attention to the point where it's more surprising to him when he doesn't get it. A nice face, good smile and personality that's charming from a distance help with that. Meaning he doesn't understand thinking strangers like their waitress would think badly of the two of them.

When he does something stupid in volleyball, well those times he can understand getting paranoid about whispers. "He missed his serve so he can't have practised hard enough", "shouldn't they have found someone more talented?" those kind of rumours, some of which only exist in his head.

But sitting in a restaurant having a date? He doesn't understand anxiety about that. He can't let anyone but himself down in a situation like this. He doesn't understand Yamaguchi's anxiety about this.]

You thought what, Yama-chan?

[Yamaguchi fidgets, clearly uncomfortable]

...That...she might be, saying something nasty or awful to one of the others...even though she seemed pretty nice to us before...

The nastiest thing she'd say about you is that it's a pity you're on a date with me.

[Which, amazingly, Oikawa actually believes. He really doesn't understand how everyone doesn't want to take Yamaguchi out. Maybe they're scared off by his apparently terrible taste from standing next to Tsukishima all the time? Whatever the reason, he considers himself lucky to have pestered him long enough to grow attached.]

[Yamaguchi actually flinches at these words, misinterpreting Oikawa's statement—again—to assume it's directed at him. Of course it'd be a pity, Yamaguchi thinks, for someone like Oikawa to be spending their time with a person as unremarkable as Yamaguchi.]

R-Right. That's only natural.

[It's probably exasperating, how often this has happened in the short span of time they've been hanging out. But, at least on this occasion, Yamaguchi's knee-jerk hurt reaction is less borne of paranoid insecurity than experience. He's heard variations on Oikawa's words so many times, whispered behind his back or laughed in his face, from all his years of hanging out with Tsukishima. Despite his cruelty, the taller boy was always more respected by their classmates than Yamaguchi. To people that didn't know Tsukishima, he seemed cool and aloof, instead of mean. Going off that opinion, loud, clinging Yamaguchi was no more than an annoying shadow. 'Why does that guy waste his time with him?' Inwardly, Yamaguchi always dreaded that one day Tsukki wouldn't anymore.]

[Again, that's not the reaction Oikawa was expecting. He hesitates, before deciding that being straightforward did seem to work better.]

Yama-chan, what do you think I meant?

[Things like this don't frustrate him, because he's getting better at navigating Yamaguchi - he thinks he is anyway - and he can keep his cool so long as he makes progress. And there's no one who's instantly better at it chasing up behind him.]

[Yamaguchi struggles and tries for a smile, doesn't quite succeed.]

Ah. Er...that anyone who saw us, might say to themselves something like, "It's a pity, that boy in the white jacket is hanging out with the other one"?

[He laughs hollowly, trying to lighten the mood by explaining.] When Tsukki and I started in middle school, and then again in high school, those were the kinds of things our classmates would say about us.

That I wasn't smart, or cool enough. To hang out with someone like that... [And a vicious, bitter part of him would always jealously believe it.]

[He - well he'd say he can't believe it. But he knows what people are like. They're mean and cruel. Still, they can't have done anything so much as talked to Tsukishima if they think that he's the one getting the raw end of the deal in their friendship.

Not that Oikawa has talked to Tsukishima, but he's seen him play and interact with his team and as much as Oikawa would love to take him and shove him on Seijoh managing his personality would be a mission and a half, he'd rather have his current middle blockers.]

They're blind, Yama-chan. You're plenty smart and cool. I don't make friends with people who aren't. And I certainly don't date them. [Unless they're female, giggle and he can go out with them just long enough for a distraction before they break up with him. But they're not talking about him being awful right now. He actually likes Yamaguchi.]

And I don't think anyone would think it's a pity that you're hanging out with me in that way. They'd think it's a pity you're hanging out with me because then you're not hanging out with them.

[Those words, sincere are not, ring nothing but false (impossible, even) in Yamaguchi's ears, after time and again spent hearing just the opposite. It pushes him past the edge of overwhelmed, into disbelief. From there it's only a quick, defensive flicker of thought to outright suspicion. His eyes narrow, and his hands tighten to shaking fists on the table.]

Stop it! [The words are louder, and higher in pitch than Yamaguchi anticipated. But he can't stop now and try again, or else his angry voice might crack instead.] Don't...say something like that, unless you actually mean it, okay!? Th-That's not fair, Oikawa-san!

I may not be as smart, or as good at volleyball, or handsome as you are. But, I definitely don't need anyone hanging out with me, who will lie about it, when they think I'm actually pathetic!!

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