[Oikawa jumping off a bridge is about the last thing Yamaguchi wants…kissing, though, he'll welcome gladly.
Letting out another choked-out sound under his breath, Yamaguchi gladly lets Oikawa maneuver for a better hold and tightens his own grip almost imperceptibly in the fabric of the other boy's pajama shirt. He drinks in the contact greedily, like he never realized how much he appreciated it until now.]
H…Hhn. Nngkawa… [Yamaguchi's words are mumbled against Oikawa's shoulder between breathing, but he's not really saying anything besides the name, anyway. If he weren't so afflicted with lingering anxiety from the conversation they just had Yamaguchi might easily fall asleep like this against Oikawa on the floor. But his mind's swimming at the moment with memories of the past few weeks, wondering what he knew of Oikawa that could help him figure out what he was looking for, at least from Yamaguchi. It might be hopeless to attempt but Yamaguchi still wanted to.]
[He can barely make out Yamaguchi saying his name over the circle of thoughts running around in his own mind.]
I'm sorry. [He whispers it, because he doesn't think his words will have even the littlest bit of difference. He tries kissing his neck again, pausing to suck a bit at Yamaguchi's skin.] I'm very sorry. [He's so full of shit, what chance is there that Yamaguchi will believe him after what he's told him?
He shouldn't have dated Yamaguchi in the first place, he's not cut out for relationships that matter. That thought sticks in his mind - does this relationship matter? God, it does. It matters so much to him, and obviously to Yamaguchi as well.]
[The other boy's apologies ache to hear, but Yamaguchi barely registers the sharp pang in his chest over the counter surge of devastating affection. He's filled with reassurance in his choice and even hope that Oikawa would even consider him after this. That Oikawa would know or suspect how much Yamaguchi wants to hear those words, even though Yamaguchi really does understand, he does; and his boyfriend definitely doesn't have to go out of his way to bother himself about it–]
N-No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry…I'm n-not mad or anything—it's all right. [He's still mumbling. Yamaguchi knows the mature thing to do now would be to pull away from Oikawa's soothing kisses, and the strokes of his tongue and grazes of teeth on skin. Prove he doesn't need this, that he won't be a drain on Oikawa's affections, but…he just needs another minute. Yamaguchi does angle his head a bit, so mouth is now centimeters from Oikawa's neck and breath ghosting his skin instead of pressed directly into his shoulder. It's enough for his voice to be heard more easily, though it's still a bit of a strain since his voice won't go above a murmur without cracking.] You're just being honest…that's why I asked, s-so you can tell me…
[For a moment Oikawa's heart stops as Yamaguchi pulls away even a fraction, but he relaxes back to his previous state of heart-thudding terror once Yamaguchi starts speaking again, even if his words aren't what they should be.]
You're everything, Yamaguchi. [He leans back so he can try and look at Yamaguchi, try and get a read on just how miserable he must be now.] You're wonderful. I don't deserve any of the time you've given me. [He's completely and totally sincere as he says that, one thing about their relationship, and about the falseness to it, is he knows that Yamaguchi wouldn't have given him the time of day if he hadn't pretended.]
[Yamaguchi's eyes drop in disappointment when Oikawa leans back and away from him, not meeting the older boy's gaze. He doesn't seem to be crying anymore, but whether that's worth the utterly empty air of defeat hanging over him in every muscle…]
Y-You don't have to say things like that…I mean, th-that I'm better than anyone.
I l…like you anyway. Oikawa. [Yamaguchi doesn't question the why.. His head's too much a mess of emotions for that. Everything was so easy and wonderful with Oikawa before; maybe Yamaguchi just wants that back. Or maybe he's still feeling hung up on the first really, intense crush he's ever had, and it feels like a betrayal (to himself? to Oikawa?) to just let that go, even when logic dictates it's the only smart thing to do. He'd rather hang on to something broken than be left with nothing.]
[Oikawa lets out a breath of air. At least Yamaguchi's not crying any more, at least he's stopped that.]
I can't think why you do, but that's one of the things that makes you better than other people.
[It's been minutes since he opened his mouth and told Yamaguchi what he should never have let out, but he's already stopped crying and Oikawa's already regretting ever starting this, because he couldn't hurt Yamaguchi if he never spoke to him.]
Is there anything I can do to fix this? [He realises he's begging, but it doesn't come through in his voice, it's just another question, like he's asking for a glass of water.]
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heleanor2015-04-02 06:59 am
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Letting out another choked-out sound under his breath, Yamaguchi gladly lets Oikawa maneuver for a better hold and tightens his own grip almost imperceptibly in the fabric of the other boy's pajama shirt. He drinks in the contact greedily, like he never realized how much he appreciated it until now.]
H…Hhn. Nngkawa… [Yamaguchi's words are mumbled against Oikawa's shoulder between breathing, but he's not really saying anything besides the name, anyway. If he weren't so afflicted with lingering anxiety from the conversation they just had Yamaguchi might easily fall asleep like this against Oikawa on the floor. But his mind's swimming at the moment with memories of the past few weeks, wondering what he knew of Oikawa that could help him figure out what he was looking for, at least from Yamaguchi. It might be hopeless to attempt but Yamaguchi still wanted to.]
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I'm sorry. [He whispers it, because he doesn't think his words will have even the littlest bit of difference. He tries kissing his neck again, pausing to suck a bit at Yamaguchi's skin.] I'm very sorry. [He's so full of shit, what chance is there that Yamaguchi will believe him after what he's told him?
He shouldn't have dated Yamaguchi in the first place, he's not cut out for relationships that matter. That thought sticks in his mind - does this relationship matter? God, it does. It matters so much to him, and obviously to Yamaguchi as well.]
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N-No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry…I'm n-not mad or anything—it's all right. [He's still mumbling. Yamaguchi knows the mature thing to do now would be to pull away from Oikawa's soothing kisses, and the strokes of his tongue and grazes of teeth on skin. Prove he doesn't need this, that he won't be a drain on Oikawa's affections, but…he just needs another minute. Yamaguchi does angle his head a bit, so mouth is now centimeters from Oikawa's neck and breath ghosting his skin instead of pressed directly into his shoulder. It's enough for his voice to be heard more easily, though it's still a bit of a strain since his voice won't go above a murmur without cracking.] You're just being honest…that's why I asked, s-so you can tell me…
…just what it is you want…that I could even…
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You're everything, Yamaguchi. [He leans back so he can try and look at Yamaguchi, try and get a read on just how miserable he must be now.] You're wonderful. I don't deserve any of the time you've given me. [He's completely and totally sincere as he says that, one thing about their relationship, and about the falseness to it, is he knows that Yamaguchi wouldn't have given him the time of day if he hadn't pretended.]
no subject
Y-You don't have to say things like that…I mean, th-that I'm better than anyone.
I l…like you anyway. Oikawa. [Yamaguchi doesn't question the why.. His head's too much a mess of emotions for that. Everything was so easy and wonderful with Oikawa before; maybe Yamaguchi just wants that back. Or maybe he's still feeling hung up on the first really, intense crush he's ever had, and it feels like a betrayal (to himself? to Oikawa?) to just let that go, even when logic dictates it's the only smart thing to do. He'd rather hang on to something broken than be left with nothing.]
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I can't think why you do, but that's one of the things that makes you better than other people.
[It's been minutes since he opened his mouth and told Yamaguchi what he should never have let out, but he's already stopped crying and Oikawa's already regretting ever starting this, because he couldn't hurt Yamaguchi if he never spoke to him.]
Is there anything I can do to fix this? [He realises he's begging, but it doesn't come through in his voice, it's just another question, like he's asking for a glass of water.]
no subject
………
…Fix what?
no subject
Us.